Beer's eKeg Laughs

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	Beer's eKeg Laughs

Blonde Jokes

How do you tell when a blonde is stressed?: Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
What does a blonde name her pet zebra?: Spot.
How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.?: With a tire gauge.
What goes "Vroom-screech. Vroom-screech"?: A blonde driving through a flashing red light.
What do you call an intelligent blonde?: A Golden Retriever.
Why do blondes wear pony tails?: To hide the valve stem.
What does a blonde say after sex?: "Are you all on the same team?"
What do blondes and computers have in common?: You really don't appreciate them until they go down on you.
What is a blonde's mating call?: "Boy am I drunk!"
Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?: So they'll have somewhere to rest their ankles.
How do you get a blonde to laugh on Friday?: Tell her a joke on Thursday.
How can you tell if a blonde has been using your computer?: There is white-out on the screen.
Why did the blonde have square boobs?: She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.
What do you call a row of blondes?: A wind tunnel.
Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?: She likes guys.

The blonde gold medalist is so proud of her medal she's having it bronzed.

Why did the blonde jump off the CN tower?: She bought 'Always with wings'.
Why do you never tell a blonde spy to blow up a car?: Because she'll burn her lips on the exhaust pipe.
How do you keep a blonde in the bathroom all day long?: Give her a bottle of shampoo that says "rinse and repeat."
Why do blondes stare at orange juice cartons?: Because they say concentrate
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, Santa Claus, and The Easter Bunny are walking down the street and they find $100, who gets it?: The dumb blonde, the other three don't exist
Why was the blonde a bad farmer?: She couldn't keep her calves together!
How do you confuse a blonde?: Give her M&M's a tell her to alphabetize them
How can you tell if a blonde has been baking chocolate chip cookies?: The M&M shells on the floor
What is the similarity between a Blonde and a 747 Jet?: They both have a "Black Box".
A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 124?: a foursome.
What do you give the blonde who has everything?: Penicillin.
What do you call a blond mother-in-law?: An air bag.
What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?: B.J.
What do blondes do for foreplay?: Remove their underwear.
What do blonde virgins eat?: Baby food.
What's the mating call of the blonde?: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
What is blonde and green and jumps from bed to bed?: A prostitoad.

Why did the blonde bake a chicken for 3 and a half days?: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
Then she started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?: A know-it-all bitch.
What did the blonde say when she woke up under a cow?: What are you guys still doing here?
What are the worst six years in a blonde's life?: Third Grade.
What did the blonde say about blonde jokes?: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.
What did the blonde say about the new computer?: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
What does a blond say during a porno movie?: There I am!!

A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some condoms (so she can practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How much for a box of condoms?"
"They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax."
"Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."

How do you confuse a blonde?: You don't. They're born that way.
Why do blondes hate M&Ms?: They're too hard to peel.
How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?: Proofreading.
Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?: For throwing out the W's.
Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
How does the blonde car pool work?: They all meet at work at 7:45.
What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?: Her IQ goes up!
Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
Why can't blondes make ice cubes?: They always forget the recipe.
Did you hear about the blonde that ate Mountain Oysters?: She was dragged 200 yards.
How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?: One.
Why couldn't the blonde write the number Eleven ?: She didn't know what ONE came first...
Why don't blondes talk when having sex?: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?: Divorced.
How can you tell when a blonde is dating a cowboy?: By the buckle print on her forehead.
How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!

What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"; The nympho says "Are you done already?"; The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.
Why don't blondes double recipes?: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?: They can't remember the number.; She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?: Introduces themself.; Walks home.
What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?: Opens the car door.
What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?: Bucket seats.
What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?: Last years hide and go seek winner.
What do you call a basement full of blondes?: A whine cellar.
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?: From crawling across the street when the sign said "Don't Walk".
Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Did you hear about the blonde coyote?: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?: Humpme Dumpme.
What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag): "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?": The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "Oh, well!" and turned around an drove home.

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "Clean Restrooms 8 Miles". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals. She proudly said," go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?: Put her in a circle room and tell her to go pee in the corner.
Whats the difference between a blonde and a washing machine: A washing machine doesn't follow you around for four days after you put a load in it.
What's the difference between a blonde and a freezer: A freezer doesn't fart when you take your meat out.
Why did god give blondes 2 more brain cells than cows: So when you pull their nipples they don't shit on the carpet

How does a blonde practice safe sex?: Locks the car door.
What do blondes and turtles have in common?: Once they're on their backs they're screwed!
If a blonde and brunette jumped over a cliff who would get to the bottom first?: The brunette because the blonde would have to stop for directions.
How does a bird kill a bird?: She throws it off a high building.
How does a blonde kill a fish?: She drowns it.

A farmer is driving down the road when he sees a blonde and brunette hitch-hiking on the side of the road. He picks them up and says they have to ride in the back though. As he is driving down the road he comes to a bridge and as he is crossing it he looses control and goes over the side into the river. When the farmer swims up and gets on shore he sees the brunette, but the blonde was no where to be seen. So the farmer swims back down and finds the blonde trying to get the tail gate open!

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?: Three. Two to mix the batter and one to squeeze the rabbit.
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?: Wave to her.
Did you hear about the blonde coyote?: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?: She thought it was pregnant because missed a period.
What do you call two nuns and a blonde?: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?: She missed.
How do you drown a blonde?: Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom of the pool.

One day a blonde is driving down the road. She is listening to the radio, and the DJ is telling blonde joke after blonde joke. As a blonde, she is getting really irritated and angry. Just then she sees another blonde in the middle of a corn field trying to row a rowing boat through it.
This infuriates her.
She swerves to the side of the road and skids to a halt.
She clambers out and slams the door.
She storms over to the fence.
She yells out over the field: "It's blondes like you that give blondes a bad name! If I could swim I'd come over and REALLY give you a piece of my mind!

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were visiting their local doctor because they were all pregnant.
Doctor: Well ladies, would you like to know the sex of your babies?
Women: Yes.
Doctor: Well all you have to do is tell me what position you conceived in and I can tell you the sex of your baby.
Brunette: My husband was on top.
Doctor: You'll have a boy.
Red Head: I was on top.
Doctor: Then you'll have a girl.
Then all of a sudden the blonde bursts into tears.
Doctor: What's the matter?
Blonde: Oh no! I'm going to have puppies!

Three blondes are taking a walk. They come upon some tracks. The first blonde says, "I think they're deer tracks." The second blonde says, "I think they're bear tracks." The third blonde says, "I think they're moose tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

What do you see when you look deep into a blonds eyes?: The back of her head.
Why do blonds have T.G.I.F. on their shoes?: Toes Go In First.
Why did the blonde steal the police car?: She saw 911 and thought it was a porsche
Why was the blonde mad when she got her license?: Because she got an F in sex
Who is the perfect girl?: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac who's father owns a pub
Why did the blonde put a condom on her ear?: So she wouldn't get hearing aids
Why did God put blondes on the earth?: Because sheep can't bring us beers
Why did God put brunettes on the earth?: Neither could the blondes
What do a blonde and a screen door have in common?: The more you bang them, the looser they get.
How do you tell the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?: A mosquito stops sucking

I need more of these! If you have any click here and write "Blonde Joke" in the subject.

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wildman
Vladimir Andjelkovic
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