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Beer's eKeg Main |
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Beer's eKeg Laughs |
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Michigan's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: Why do all the trees in Ohio lean north?
A: Because Michigan sucks!
Q: What's this? x X x
A: A U of Michigan graduate's signature with two witnesses.
Q: What is the difference between a dead dog on the freeway and a dead Michigan fan on the freeway?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why are there 2 teams from Michigan in the Big Ten?
A: There was so much crap in Ann Arbor they had to start another pile.
Q: How do you get a UM grad off your porch?
A: Give him $10 for the pizza.
Q: What is the only sign of intelligent life in Michigan?
A: The freeway sign that says "Columbus, 192 miles".
What does one idiot say? "Duh"
What do two idiots say? "Duh, Duh"
What do 100,000 idiots say? Duhhh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, Duhhh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh ("Hail to the Victors"...without sound)
Q: What does the average UM student get on his SAT?
A: Drool
Q: Why do UM grads put diplomas around their mirrors?
A: To park in the handicapped spaces.
Q: How many UM freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None, its a sophomore course.
Q: What's the difference between the UM and Rice Krispies?
A: Rice Krispies know what to do in a bowl.
Q: What do you get when you drive slowly by the UM campus?
A: A diploma.
Q: Why doesn't Michigan have ice on the sidelines?
A: The guy who had the recipe graduated.
Q: What is the difference between a UM grad and a catfish?
A: One scrounges around eating garbage and other peoples waste. The other is a fish.
Q: What's the difference between UM and a bag of manure?
A: The bag!
Q: What does a seven course meal in Ann Arbor consist of?
A: A six pack and a possum!
Q: If two UM graduates jump off a cliff, which one hits the ground first?
A: Who cares!?
Q: How did the UM student break his leg at the golf course?
A: He fell off the ball washer.
Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a UM Wolverine?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
Q: Did you hear that The Rolling Stones are playing at Michigan Stadium?
A: Yeah, they're 10-point favorites.
Q: What is the difference between a cactus and Michigan stadium?
A: A cactus has 100,000 pricks on the outside.
Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Michigan weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
Q: Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why did Michigan change their uniform color to orange?
A: So they could play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: Why did they put in turf at the Big House, Michigan Stadium?
A: So their cheerleaders would stop eating the grass.
Q: Whats the best way to get a Wolverine cheerleader into your dormroom?
A: Grease her hips.
Q: Did you know that 9 out 10 coeds are good looking?
A: The other one goes to Michigan.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Michigan student with a pig?
A: Trick question, there are some things even a pig won't do!
Q: Three U of M students are riding in a car together. Who's driving?
A: The state trooper.
Q: An OSU fan and a Michigan fan are in the third grade. Who's bigger?
A: The Michigan fan... he's 18 years old.
Q: How do you get all of the Michigan grads out of your neighborhood?
A: Hide all of the cardboard boxes.
Q: What do you say to a Michigan player in a 3 piece suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise?
Q: How do you keep a Michigan player out of the endzone?
A: Put a classroom there.
Q: Why do women in Michigan wear high heels?
A: To keep their knuckles from dragging on the ground.
Q: Why don't they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Michigan?
A: It's too hard on the horse.
Q: Where was O.J. headed in the white Bronco?
A: Ann Arbor, Michigan. He knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there.
Q: What do you call a 200 lb. Michigan cheerleader?
A: Anorexic
Q: What is blue and yellow and has two teeth?
A: The front row at Michigan stadium.
