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	Beer's eKeg Laughs

Not So Famous Sports Quotes

"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

* Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

* Football commentator and former player, Joe Theismann 1996

"You guys line up alphabetically by height." "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

* Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach

"I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."

Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements

"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King

"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

"I've won at every level, except college and pro."

Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Lou Duva, Veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota

"We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play."

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 record - 1982

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice - 1982

"He wants Texas back."

Tommy Lasorda , Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations - 1981

"One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?"

Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning - 1966

"But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet."

Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books - 1991

"I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating."

Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs - 1986

"It's basically the same, just darker."

Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons - 1991

"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care."

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player - 1991

"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins - 1991

"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D - 1987

"It just as easily could have gone the other way."

Don Zimmer, Manager of the Chicago Cubs, on his thoughts of a recent 4-4 road trip - 1989

Contributed by Lauren S.