What Men Really Mean...
- "WE'VE BEEN DATING."
- Means: "Sally and I have spent a least five evenings together, at least one of them has ended in sexual contact. Meanwhile, I've also been dating Cindy, Louise and Carol."
- "SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND."
- Means: "Sally has made me breakfast at her place many times. I have painted her living room and regularly change the oil in her car. We do not date other people. She is off-limits to my buddies, now and forever."
- "WE CUDDLED."
- Means: "Sally and I got into bed. We kissed some. She even laid on top of me. But nothing else. [Sigh]."
- "LET'S JUST SPEND A QUIET EVENING AT HOME."
- Does NOT mean: "Let's snuggle on the couch and listen to music and maybe sip some brandy. At some point, you will light candles and I will kiss you softly. We will make love tenderly, and I will tell you how much I adore you." Probably DOES mean: "I think I'll boot up my computer and finally figure out Myst. Or you can make popcorn and we'll watch that really gory ER rerun."
- "SHE'S CUTE."
- Means: "She has nice tits."
- "SHE'S GORGEOUS."
- Means: "She has nice tits."
- "SHE'S ATTRACTIVE."
- Means (when talking to other men): "She has nice tits."
Means (when talking to a woman): "She has nice tits but that would make you jealous so I'll say she's attractive."
- "I CLEANED MY APARTMENT."
- Means: "It's safe to go to my place because I stacked the papers in the corner and the dishes in the sink. I squeezed in the toilet bowl stuff, even under the rim, and I flushed."
- "I'VE ONLY HAD A FEW BEERS."
- Means: "I have had more than one, but fewer than 50."
- "MORE FOREPLAY?"
- Means: "More oral sex? Sure, I love oral sex."
- "I LIKE HER."
- Means: "I think I'm falling in love but since I a talking to my buddies, I will use another term."
- "I'M IN LOVE."
- Means one of several things: 1) "Sally has nice tits." 2) "I'm quite taken with the unusual way Sally uses her tongue." 3) "Sally actually likes Mystery Science Theater 3000!"
