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Beer's eKeg Main |
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Beer's eKeg Laughs |
On September 1, 2007, Michigan (ranked #5 on the AP and coaches poll) hosted the Appalachian State University Mountaineers (two-time defending I-FCS National Champions). Michigan was favored by 27 points. The Mountaineers shocked the football world by defeating Michigan 34-32. It was the first time a Division I-FCS school defeated an AP ranked Division I-FBS school. It was also the first time a #5 ranked school dropped out of the top 25 rankings the following week. After this loss, a Michigan fan wrote this letter.
I can't believe it, I have not recovered from it, I will never recover from it. This one will stay with me like a limp for the rest of my life.
They finally did it. This is the biggie. This is Hudson's Building implosion, the Hindenberg, and George Bush 41 puking on the prime minister of Japan all rolled into one. Michigan is now the butt of the joke. The punchline. For all eternity. You can replace the "agony of defeat" ski jumper wipe-out with the footage of that final field goal attempt being blocked by the Appalachian State player's knee cap. Ralph Sampson just sent a thank-you note to Lloyd Carr for replacing the University of Virginia basketball loss to Division II Chaminade as the biggest gag job in the history of college athletics.
The bubble burst. The balloon popped. The end is here. Michigan fans have been living off of Michigan State's back to back losses to Central Michigan for two decades. Not anymore. It's all gone now. There is no redemption. The season is over. Spare me the "If they run the table, they can still get in a BCS bowl game." The only table this team can run is at Old Country Buffet. I had a feeling an 8-4 regular season was on its way, I just didn't know one of the losses would be to the State College of Beauty.
What's sad is the Michigan apologists like Bob Wojnowski still will not admit that the game has passed Lloyd Carr by. It's so obvious that Wojnowksi is just a vulture waiting for Carr to retire so that he can co-write his memoirs like that weasel Mitch Albom did for Bo Schembechler. Wojo can't criticize Carr because he's afraid to make him angry and lose the future book deal. NEWS FLASH: THE GAME HAS NOT PASSED LLOYD CARR BY, IT HAS LAPPED HIM TWICE AND IS RIGHT BACK IN HIS REVIEW VIEW MIRROR WITH ITS BLINKER ON. It is self evident. Anyone who denies that is an idiot and immediately loses all credibility on any opinion related to sports for the rest of their life. It's done. Get it? The argument is over. He cannot coach. He is incompetent. He stinks. There are High School JV coaches with more ability than him.
I spent Saturday afternoon canoeing the Huron River with my family. I wouldn't have watched the game even if Comcast and the Big Ten Network had worked out a deal. I had no idea what was going on until by Dad called me on my cell phone and asked me if I heard what happened. By the tone of his voice I knew what he meant. "Did they lose?" I asked. "Not yet, but they're going to," he replied. I almost dropped my phone in the river.
Before I even watched the highlights and the interviews on the news Saturday night, I knew I was going to hear the obligatory "We'll find out what this team is made of now." No we won't. We already know what they are made of. It's a group of poorly coached, under-achieving, lazy, cocky choke artists. I am sick of that smug smile on Chad Henne's face after he completes a pass. HEY LOSER! TRY WINNING A BIG GAME! THEN YOU CAN SMILE! YOUR ARE SUPPOSED TO COMPLETE PASSES, YOU JERK! The next big time play in a big game Henne makes will be his first.
There are two kinds of Michigan football fans. There are the deluded faithful that think Michigan is the elite program in college football, pointing to the fact that Michigan is the all-time winningest program and clinging to it like a life preserver. That's nice for them, but all those wins in 1887 and '03 against Michigan Normal College and Pennsylvania Anatomy School don't really do it for me. Unfortunately, the vast majority fall into that category. Then there is the group to which I belong. The pessimists. We enjoy the wins, but realize they are only a brief respite in chain of devastating losses that, like chinese water torture, come at unpredictable intervals and inflict irreversible psychological damage, until we snap, lose all touch with reality, and curl up in a corner and hum "The Victors" to ourselves for the rest of our lives.
I think back to New Year's Day, 1998, when I stood in the bleachers of the Rose Bowl with my father in the fading light of a beautiful a Southern California winter afternoon. The Michigan band played in joyous celebration. Time was frozen in a moment that felt like it would last forever, and we basked in the glory of the greatest win in both of our lifetimes. And I realize now it's an illusion, a mirage, fool's gold.
On the bright side, my next eleven Saturday afternoons just became free. Anyone got a tee time?
