As published, The Ohio State Lantern, on Thursday 16 Nov 2000, Page 9, Sports Column.

No doubt: OSU-UM is the best

Choosing things as subjective as "the best pizza on campus" or "the worst boy band" are usually very difficult and contentious tasks. Different pizza places have different strengths, and every boy band sucks so, so much.

Choosing the greatest rivalry in college football, however, is much easier.

The Ohio State-Michigan game is so superior to all other rivalries that there is no room for argument.

There are those who will try to argue about games such as Florida-Florida State, Notre Dame-Southern Cal, or Army-Navy, but they simply aren't in the same league with THE game.
There are two things that make a rivalry great: a great history and annual significance, both in conference races and for the national title.

The OSU-Michigan game is without a doubt one of the most important games in the nation year in and year out. At least one team has been ranked in the top 10 in the nation before the game every season since 1990 with the exception of 1994.

Further, at least one of the teams has come into THE game with a chance to share the conference title in all but two seasons since 1967. Penn State came into the weekend of the 1994 version of THE game with the conference title already sewn up, and Michigan State's 1987 team turned the trick as well.

OSU or Michigan won at least a share of the Big 10 title in 26 out of the last 32 seasons. The "Big Two" won the conference in every year but 1999, 1995, 1994, 1987, 1985 and 1983. The streak continues this season, with the winner of Saturday's matchup guaranteed at least a share of the conference crown.

Over that same 32-year span, only the 1988 Buckeyes finished a season with a losing record (4-6-1).

Since OSU entered the conference in 1913, the Buckeyes' 28 conference titles are surpassed only by Michigan's 39.

Florida-Florida State has its strongest argument here. The Seminoles and Gators are national powers every year, it seems, but good luck finding much information about either team before the Eisenhower administration.

Traditional rivalries, such as Army-Navy and Harvard-Yale, can form strong arguments for their games in terms of history, but have about as much national significance as the Kansas-Baylor game.

Auburn and Alabama can make a case for inclusion, but both have been stung by scandal and mediocrity in the last decade.

Only the Ohio State-Michigan game can boast the history of almost 100 meetings, paired with an annual significance that has resulted in annual, national television coverage.
ESPN agreed, voting the OSU-Michigan game as the greatest rivalry in all of sports, not just college football. Auburn and Alabama were the only other college football teams to make the list, and they finished eighth.

A tradition worth stealing

At the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, Md., first-year midshipmen (plebes) are forced to answer questions about current events and naval history during meals. Upperclassmen can force the plebes to answer as many queries as they wish during a meal, often leading to a smaller-than-desired amount of food consumption.

During the week before the annual Army-Navy game, however, the plebes may answer any question with "Beat Army, sir" and the answer is considered correct. One caveat awaits the plebes, however.

If a plebe answers any question with something other than "Beat Army, sir," the plebe loses the right to use the answer for the rest of the meal.

The upperclassmen, experts in the art of manipulating the plebes, ask the first-year mids what they want to drink with their meal. The inevitible "Beat Army, sir" follows.

The upperclassmen then take a cross-section of the condiments on the table and mix them in a glass. The plebe must drink the entire concoction or face the scorn of his fellow mids.

I think it's only fair to carry this tradition over to OSU. It's about time our freshmen start pulling some weight in the rivalry. All freshmen should drink at least one "Beat Michigan" this week.

Suggested ingredients include ketchup, mustard, mayonaise, peanut butter (chunky makes it thicker), chocolate syrup and hot sauce. Any freshman who is able to keep the magical brew down after consumption, has successfully done their part in beating the school up north.

John Cooper and the Bucks are depending on you.

Thomas Orr is a senior in journalism and the Lantern sports editor. He swears that some combination of red-zone playcalling and "Beat Michigan" consumption will decide this Saturday's game.

Copyright 2000 The Ohio State Lantern